So here I am.  Can’t even remember the last time I did this.  My buddy Dave Shacket made this great website for me last year, and alas,  I didn’t learn how to use it til now.  Sorry Dave.  That’s kind of like someone slaving over an old ‘57 Mustang, restoring it to mint condition, giving it as a gift, and the new owner never opening the garage door.   Again, sorry  Dave.  I really like it.  Really.

Life is busy here in my world.  I am desperately trying to finish up school with the kids, tend to my gardens (flower and vegetable), keep up with the house, we’ve been traveling a lot which means doing lots of laundry, moving bedrooms around to prepare for Baby boy, painting bedrooms, feeding humans 3 times daily, getting kids to gymnastics and piano lessons, jogging, potty training a 22 month old, trying to stay on top of the character development of 5 little ( some not so little anymore!) people…oh yeah, seeking the Lord about His new venture for us: starting a church…all while growing a human inside of me.  Sometimes, it just makes me shut down to a degree.  I often have people wonder why I don’t like them, cuz we never seem to find a time to get together.  I guess those who still call me friend are those that have learned that I’m not usually trying to find things to do in my spare time.  I would love to go to Tim Horton’s and talk over a hot drink and a fruit explosion muffin.  But at the moment, I’m just not organized enough to make it happen.  Life happens without me planning it, and I do my best to keep up.  I had a friend suggest recently that I should get a “life notebook” in which I write down everything important, so that it’s all in one place.  I think I just might try it.  The Good Lord knows I need help!  And I believe that He is working self discipline in me…it’s a fruit of the Spirit.  That is the only reason I don’t collapse under condemnation and defeat.  I believe that He will finish the work He has begun in me.  My only hope is that I have a friend or two left by the end of the work!

With this new idea of planting a church on the forefront of our minds, Derek and I have been doing lots of soul searching and clarifying of what our beliefs are.  At times, I almost laugh at how interested I am about theology now.  The old Heidi, back before the Lord graciously opened my eyes to His wonderful grace and sovereignty, didn’t have a clue and was truly happy about that.  The basics were enough for me!  But now, I LOVE talking about truth and the gospel and the righteousness I have in Christ…the place the Lord has brought me to is such a peaceful one.  Even amidst the chaos of my life, there is a rest that sustains me.  And that, my friends, is the proof in the pudding.  If the gospel doesn’t work in every day life, then it’s not the gospel at all.

We’ve been talking a lot about women’s roles and the different views present in the church today.   I have had some express concern that I am not involved enough in ministry and have somehow ended up in a life that confines and supresses me.  Well, all I can say is, “the Lord is my Shepherd,  I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul…He guides my path in righteousness for His name’s sake.”  He has led me here, and what joy there is to walk in the path that brings glory to His name.  I am so thankful that He constantly works in me a contentment for the call and role he has called me to as a woman.  I am not confined.  I am hemmed in by my loving Father.  I love my children, and love my husband, and love the life He has given me.  I walk through the doors of public ministry that He opens.  (Sometimes He has to push me through.)  But my main goal is to be faithful to nurture my 5, soon to be 6 disciples and to love and care for the wonderful man of God He has given me.  It’s simple.  And I like simple.

This renewed blogging venture will be fun, I think.  For me, anyway.  I’m getting more honest in my old age, so time will tell how fun it will be for anyone else.  Much grace to all who find time to read this.  His grace is sufficient, for when I am weak, I am strong.

Ummm…do I sign my name here?  I can’t remember. 

I’ve recently had several conversations with various people about finding God’s will for their lives.  For some it was the, “I’m graduating in May and I don’t know what to do with my life!”.  For others, it was difficult situations that left them feeling like they couldn’t possibly know which decision would make things better.

I remember the feeling of being a senior in high school and hoping that somehow, I would choose the right college…the one God wanted me to choose…it seemed so mysterious, bordering on impossible to really know.  I made it easier on myself by only auditioning at one school…I had been taking french horn lessons with the professor at the Crane School of Music (SUNY Potsdam) during my senoir year, so I just did what seemed obvious, and planned to go to Potsdam State.  I had that tiny thought in the back of my mind, “Am  I missing it?  Should I be looking into different options?”  I went on a missions trip that summer, and one of the other girls on my team was going to Wheaton College.  I came home, two weeks before I was supposed to leave for Potsdam, and told my parents…”I think maybe I should go to Wheaton College instead.”  My mom was a little frustrated, to say the least, and through a series of conversations, quelled the new thought and set my path straight again.  It had been a very spiritual atmosphere on that trip, and I thought that God was answering that tiny thought that had been in the back of my mind with this other option.  Because we all were in a spiritual frame of mind, I thought it just might be God.

I am of the belief at this stage of my life, that it isn’t as hard as I once thought it to be…this hearing from God thing.  As He has opened my eyes to the facet of His sovereignty, I have slowly been able to relax, and trust that He is leading me.  The Scripture that says…”The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  Thought he fall, he will not be cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.”( Ps 37:23,24) has taken on new meaning for me.  I used to think, that if I was righteous…doing everything just right, that He would speak to me and order my every move whenever I had a question.  Now, I see that I am righteous, all the time, because of the work of the cross, so this verse is always about me.  And, because I am righteous,  the steps I take are indeed ordered by God and part of His plan.  With my old way of thinking, if the path I chose led me into nasty things, I would automatically assume that I had missed His leading.  Now, I look at that second part of that Scripture and realize that sometimes the steps He has me take will cause me to fall, but not to fret.  The path NEVER leads me outside of His hand.  That is my peace.  The pressure is off.  As long as I am surrendered to my Daddy, and not willfully choosing my own way…doing my best to submit my plans to Him, I have full confidence that I am in the middle of His will for me.  My steps are ordered by a sovereign God, and if I am headed for destruction, He will make a donkey talk if He has to, to stop me in my tracks.

He is the Good Shepherd.  I am His sheep.  He is the Architect of my life, and I know that my steps are part of His master plan.