How ’bout a few fun quotes and moments from the kids.  We’ll start with that.

Reese (4) and I were having a discussion about what it will be like for him to be a big brother to a little brother.  His eyes lit up and he said,”  I’ll have to teach him how not to miss when he goes pee!”  Funny, I thought.  Reese doesn’t have that down yet.

Audrey( not quite 2) is sleeping in a big girl bed now, and we are still adjusting to it’s newly-found freedoms.  Last night, I put her to bed around 8:30, and went to my usual spot down the hall in the living room…the computer.  At 9:14, I heard footsteps and some banging.  So I peeked around the corner, only to see that she had retrieved the bench from the bathroom, brought it over to the light switch in the hall, got up and turned off the hall light, got down, returned the bench and got back in bed.  Apparently, that hall light was not to her liking.

Reese and Audrey are obsessed with catching moths right now.  Many get in the house due to our A/C units, and they wouldn’t want it any other way.  All too often, though, I hear squeals of delight, followed by Reese crying.  Interpretation:  They found one, Audrey “caught” it, and proceeded to mash it between her fingers, and Reese mourns.

Cool testimony:  I recently had a discussion with our family doctor about Esther’s struggles with some elements of speech.  She is 7 now, and was still unable to say the ” r ” sound.  He told me that I really needed to contact my school district and look into some kind of speech therapy for her.  I had gotten as far as getting the info packet from them last year, but never followed through, hoping that it would work itself out.  Anyway, after this conversation with Dr. Picca, I prayed and asked the Lord to do a quick miracle for my Esther, so she wouldn’t have to go to therapy and risk getting labeled this or that.  Just days later, Esther was telling me all about a cartoon she had watched in which there was a boy named Thor.  She kept talking, but my ears stopped hearing what she was saying because I realized she had just said Thor…properly!  I stopped her mid-story and exclaimed, ” You just said the ” r ” sound right!  You said Thor!  That is the sound that you haven’t been able to figure out.  Now just move it into all the other ” r ” spots in words and you’ve got it!”  And that’s exactly what she has done.  She almost looks for words to say with r’s in them, just to hear herself say it right.  Thank You Lord.  That is just plain an answer to my prayer.  Now we have to work on Reeth.

It’s been fun as a Mom lately, with my older two girls, Grace ( 12 ) and Joye (10).  We have an understanding, that whenever they think a guy is cute, they have to tell me.  It is my way of staying intimately involved in the workings of their hearts, and therefore helping them maneuver through these crushes that will come and go.  Far too many young teens and preteens find themselves worshiping romance and boys in our culture, and I’m not gonna stand around and let it happen under my nose.  Anyway, I always know what’s coming when they come giggling up the stairs, often one prodding the other to spill it.  I won’t embarrass them and tell you all who the recent flames are, but I am always encouraged when they come to me.  I will be the watchman on my wall.

Audrey is convinced that my pregnancy-produced outy belly button, is indeed, part of the baby.

A few nights ago,  Esther, who sleeps on the top bunk above Audrey, told me that her little sister scared the daylights out of her.  Esther was just falling asleep when Audrey scaled the end of the bunk, and popped her head directly over Esther’s face and said, ” You seepin?”  Esther had to help the mischief  queen down and put her back into bed.

During this past winter, we had a bird seed bell hanging just outside our kitchen window, so we could all enjoy seeing birds of many kinds.  One day, Esther said, ” Look Mamma, it’s a trashy!”  She meant a junco.

Kids are the best entertainment this world has to offer.   I really am grateful that I am able to stay at home with my children and be a first-hand witness to their development.  Yes, some days it’s hard.  Like tonight for example…I made blueberry muffins with some of our freshly picked blueberries, and while I was on the phone, Audrey grabbed the Ziplock bagful, and put it on the kitchen floor.  Then proceeded to mash some of them with her toes.  Esther and Reese just watched the show.  *Sigh*  But is it all worth it?  Have I ever regretted having my 5 kids?  No.  Never.   Each one is a unique blessing.  It’s hard work, growing kids, just like my vegetable garden is out in my yard.  But the fruit of my labors is matchless.  It was just today that Audrey said, ” I wuv you, Mamma,” unprovoked, for the first time, randomly, as she was walking down the stairs.  And that, my friends, goes a long ways.

I hope these stories make someone chuckle. But most of all, I hope they inspire you all, that children truly are a gift from the Father.

I have officially stopped jogging…did my last mile last Saturday and my last 5k the Saturday before that.   That is a sad thing for me.  Running has been great physical exercise, but even more than that, it has been my “me time”.  Just me and my Ipod.  Frankly, I’ve had more intimate times with God wearing spandex than wearing church clothes at times.  Quiet times are practically impossible to come by in my present season.  Wow…just as I was about to type the words…my life is one of constant interruptions, my almost 2 year old comes strolling out of her room saying, ” Mamma, my go potty.”  It’s 9:49 pm.  I put her to bed 45 minutes ago.  Well, there you have it.  Exhibit A.  A mother’s life is not her own.  And frankly, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  I love my children so much, and I know that some day the silence will make me cry.

I’ve gained more weight this round so far than any other pregnancy…go figure.  This is the only time I have  jogged through it.  Makes total sense to me.  I know what some of you are thinking.  “Does she weigh more than Derek, you think?”  Honey, that ship has sailed.  I passed him months ago.  I’m only 6 lbs from my record baby weight (with Grace) and I have almost two months to go.  Wow.  This could be one large number.  Honestly though, I’m not too worried about losing it after he’s born, and I can thank my beloved running for that peace of mind.  I will enjoy running it off.  But looking at numbers that large can, at times, mess with your mind.  Especially when hormones can bring those days of smallness…that’s what I call it.  When self confidence is running low, and all the blemishes look big.  Come on ladies, you’ve been small before, right?  ( What a paradox…me feeling small!) Anyway, it’s days like this that make me so thankful that I have a God that understands.  He made me this way.  He created the hormones ( question # 2 on my ‘What to ask God when I get to Heaven’ list…Why were hormones a good idea?!?) , He knew my belly button would never recover after baby number two, He planned for women to gain weight while carrying babies to sustain both of us, and created us to nurse our babies and therefore knew our breasts would no longer look like magazine covers…He designed this whole ride, so I believe it is good.  He created mankind and said, “It is good.”    This is what my spirit knows, and this is why I am bruised but not crushed.  I have down (small) days, but I ultimately trust that it is good.   Not to put Derek down in any way, but I know that men can never really understand this process…sometimes I wish they could.  But God understands.  And I can lean on His embrace and His love, and know that He is proud of me as I lumber around, housing His choice servant for a while.

One other element I’ve had to battle this round is the fact that people have issues with large families.  I noticed it a lot  while on vacation…being in hotels and restaurants with our five kids and a protruding midsection…dude, we were a freak show!  Comment after comment, stare after stare.  I swear, if I hear ” You got your hands full!” one more time…It saddens me that our culture has such little value of children.  I think there are many reasons for this switch.  Accepting abortion in one’s mind can’t deepen one’s value of a child…all the “don’t spank or even correct your kids or you’ll crush who they are!” teaching has caused many a poor child to be what one would call…um… brats.  And why would anyone want too many of those?  They drive us crazy!  And gosh, how can women have successful careers if they have more than one or two kids?  That brief hiatus alone might cause her to miss a rung or two on the corporate ladder.  Oops, wait a minute.  I’m losing my balance trying to step down off my soap box.  All this to say, I have needed to burrow into the chest of my Heavenly Father a lot this round, due to all the negative stuff that has been flung at me.  Once again, children were His idea.  The fruit of the womb is a reward.  That’s what He says.  So that’s what I believe.  And frankly, I have 5 amazing children that are no less than rewards, running around my house.  The proof is in the pudding. (Oooo, pudding sounds good right now.)

So, I suppose I’ll leave it at that.  When I’m this big, I get small.  And then I remember that He is big, and to Him, all of this is small.  So as I grow this small man, whom He has big plans for, I can rest in His big arms, and know that it’s all not that big of a deal.  I will keep praying that the pain will be small, the hours of labor will be small, my endurance will be big, and that he is not so big. 

Life is busy here in my world.  I am desperately trying to finish up school with the kids, tend to my gardens (flower and vegetable), keep up with the house, we’ve been traveling a lot which means doing lots of laundry, moving bedrooms around to prepare for Baby boy, painting bedrooms, feeding humans 3 times daily, getting kids to gymnastics and piano lessons, jogging, potty training a 22 month old, trying to stay on top of the character development of 5 little ( some not so little anymore!) people…oh yeah, seeking the Lord about His new venture for us: starting a church…all while growing a human inside of me.  Sometimes, it just makes me shut down to a degree.  I often have people wonder why I don’t like them, cuz we never seem to find a time to get together.  I guess those who still call me friend are those that have learned that I’m not usually trying to find things to do in my spare time.  I would love to go to Tim Horton’s and talk over a hot drink and a fruit explosion muffin.  But at the moment, I’m just not organized enough to make it happen.  Life happens without me planning it, and I do my best to keep up.  I had a friend suggest recently that I should get a “life notebook” in which I write down everything important, so that it’s all in one place.  I think I just might try it.  The Good Lord knows I need help!  And I believe that He is working self discipline in me…it’s a fruit of the Spirit.  That is the only reason I don’t collapse under condemnation and defeat.  I believe that He will finish the work He has begun in me.  My only hope is that I have a friend or two left by the end of the work!

With this new idea of planting a church on the forefront of our minds, Derek and I have been doing lots of soul searching and clarifying of what our beliefs are.  At times, I almost laugh at how interested I am about theology now.  The old Heidi, back before the Lord graciously opened my eyes to His wonderful grace and sovereignty, didn’t have a clue and was truly happy about that.  The basics were enough for me!  But now, I LOVE talking about truth and the gospel and the righteousness I have in Christ…the place the Lord has brought me to is such a peaceful one.  Even amidst the chaos of my life, there is a rest that sustains me.  And that, my friends, is the proof in the pudding.  If the gospel doesn’t work in every day life, then it’s not the gospel at all.

We’ve been talking a lot about women’s roles and the different views present in the church today.   I have had some express concern that I am not involved enough in ministry and have somehow ended up in a life that confines and supresses me.  Well, all I can say is, “the Lord is my Shepherd,  I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul…He guides my path in righteousness for His name’s sake.”  He has led me here, and what joy there is to walk in the path that brings glory to His name.  I am so thankful that He constantly works in me a contentment for the call and role he has called me to as a woman.  I am not confined.  I am hemmed in by my loving Father.  I love my children, and love my husband, and love the life He has given me.  I walk through the doors of public ministry that He opens.  (Sometimes He has to push me through.)  But my main goal is to be faithful to nurture my 5, soon to be 6 disciples and to love and care for the wonderful man of God He has given me.  It’s simple.  And I like simple.

This renewed blogging venture will be fun, I think.  For me, anyway.  I’m getting more honest in my old age, so time will tell how fun it will be for anyone else.  Much grace to all who find time to read this.  His grace is sufficient, for when I am weak, I am strong.

Ummm…do I sign my name here?  I can’t remember. 

I’ve recently had several conversations with various people about finding God’s will for their lives.  For some it was the, “I’m graduating in May and I don’t know what to do with my life!”.  For others, it was difficult situations that left them feeling like they couldn’t possibly know which decision would make things better.

I remember the feeling of being a senior in high school and hoping that somehow, I would choose the right college…the one God wanted me to choose…it seemed so mysterious, bordering on impossible to really know.  I made it easier on myself by only auditioning at one school…I had been taking french horn lessons with the professor at the Crane School of Music (SUNY Potsdam) during my senoir year, so I just did what seemed obvious, and planned to go to Potsdam State.  I had that tiny thought in the back of my mind, “Am  I missing it?  Should I be looking into different options?”  I went on a missions trip that summer, and one of the other girls on my team was going to Wheaton College.  I came home, two weeks before I was supposed to leave for Potsdam, and told my parents…”I think maybe I should go to Wheaton College instead.”  My mom was a little frustrated, to say the least, and through a series of conversations, quelled the new thought and set my path straight again.  It had been a very spiritual atmosphere on that trip, and I thought that God was answering that tiny thought that had been in the back of my mind with this other option.  Because we all were in a spiritual frame of mind, I thought it just might be God.

I am of the belief at this stage of my life, that it isn’t as hard as I once thought it to be…this hearing from God thing.  As He has opened my eyes to the facet of His sovereignty, I have slowly been able to relax, and trust that He is leading me.  The Scripture that says…”The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way.  Thought he fall, he will not be cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.”( Ps 37:23,24) has taken on new meaning for me.  I used to think, that if I was righteous…doing everything just right, that He would speak to me and order my every move whenever I had a question.  Now, I see that I am righteous, all the time, because of the work of the cross, so this verse is always about me.  And, because I am righteous,  the steps I take are indeed ordered by God and part of His plan.  With my old way of thinking, if the path I chose led me into nasty things, I would automatically assume that I had missed His leading.  Now, I look at that second part of that Scripture and realize that sometimes the steps He has me take will cause me to fall, but not to fret.  The path NEVER leads me outside of His hand.  That is my peace.  The pressure is off.  As long as I am surrendered to my Daddy, and not willfully choosing my own way…doing my best to submit my plans to Him, I have full confidence that I am in the middle of His will for me.  My steps are ordered by a sovereign God, and if I am headed for destruction, He will make a donkey talk if He has to, to stop me in my tracks.

He is the Good Shepherd.  I am His sheep.  He is the Architect of my life, and I know that my steps are part of His master plan.

Kent asked me to share about purity, modesty, etc.  So I threw some thoughts and scriptures down in my trusty green notebook, and Derek helped me to organize it all…here are some snippits from it.

When we truly understand our Father’s love for us, and have a true picture of how He views us, we can walk in complete security and confidence in this life, regardless of our upbringing.  And when that revelation sinks deep into our hearts, it will affect us internally, and then externally.

His love will transform us internally…all of the former devices, so to speak, that have developed over time that try to fill that need for love and acceptance, will melt away by the work of His Spirit as we surrender to Him.  If we “awaken love before it’s time” (Song of Songs 3:5), or let the love for a man become our main focus before it is God’s time, our devotion to Christ gets interrupted.  We must surrender this part of our lives to Him…in that place of surrender is where the Spirit works.  As we believe how loved we are, our love for Christ will produce that hidden beauty of the heart that Peter speaks of in I Peter 3:3,4.

“And let not your adornment be merely external-braiding of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry and putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

Knowing His grace and love will change us externally…Our culture has conditioned us from childhood to focus on beauty and romance.  Come on, think about it…have you ever seen an ugly or overweight Disney princess?  And everyone of those tiny-waisted, long-legged girls “find their prince” and live happily ever after.  It is everywhere we look…” if you look like this, you will get a guy like this, and you will be happy.”  Derek and I have very intentionally warned our three girls of this trap.  We want them to be secure because of who they are in Christ, not because they have a pretty face or the right clothes.  SO, if we should not imitate our culture which worships beauty and romance, how do we dress?  Like women in bible times?  Is it time to bust out the drapery and face cloths?  No, but the word says modesty is becoming to a woman of faith.

As we decide what to wear, we should be aware of two things.  First, avoid vanity.  The reference to braided hair and gold jewelry speaks in Bible times of those in royalty, or those in harlotry.   Royalty dressed this way to be vain…to flaunt their wealth and position.  This is obviously a sinful attitude.

Second, the reason for the harlot to dress this way was to allure men.  We as women of faith should never desire to cause our brothers (or unbelieving men for that matter) to stumble over our appearance.  Yet, this is an extremely common way of living for women.  “What can I do to get that second look?”   We need to ask the Lord to help cleanse us of  the contamination of our culture, and to truly desire to please Him first.  And that will cause us to  be the most beautiful women on the planet.

I saw this quote on a sister’s myspace, and I thought it was the perfect summary.

“A woman’s heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek God to find her.”